Are you Happy With yourself?

I was watching an episode of "Biggest Loser" and Jillian asked a contestant if she was happy with herself and she said no. When Jillian asked her why, she said she just wasn't. Now this back and forth got me asking myself the same question and my answer was yes and no. I am happy with what I have accomplished education and career wise, but I am not happy with me. The problem though is I really can't pinpoint exactly why I feel like "me" is subpar. I have a wonderful family and friends and people who genuinely like me for me, but I don't know that I like me. I am not a very nice person, I have a short temper, I am condescending and I take immense pleasure in belittling people and I know that people would suggest that I have some kind of deep seethed insecurity, but I really don't buy that.

I have never actually looked at myself to see why I am the way I am, but as I have gotten older I have begun to look back on my actions and wonder why I act how I act. A lot of times, I do it just because, other times I don't even know that I've done something wrong until someone points it out to me. I personally think that the society we live in is so focused on being PC and kumbayaish that they make people like me, straight shooters, feel like we are anomalies. When in reality, those people who go out of their way to not offend are the people with the problems.

What is so wrong with calling a dumbass a "dumbass"? Why should I feel wrong for saying the truth? Why is it being politically correct as opposed to being a liar? As I ask myself these questions, it makes me start to notice that I may not be all that bad, society and it's tenets just make me think I am worse than I really am, so I ask myself "Are you happy with yourself?" HELL YEAH!!!

Are you happy with how you look though, is a whole different ball game.

Reading material

I am an avid reader and I invest in cheesy historical romance novels. I have over three hundred of them and I buy at least five new ones each month. Anyway, I stepped out of my comfort zone and decided to read Chelsea Handler's "Are you there Vodka? it's me, Chelsea." I'm about halfway done and I can say that it is one of the funniest books I have ever read and I kinda don't believe the stories are true, I mean they are really out there and I can't even imagine being friends with her because I would never be able to keep a straight face. I am going to look for her other book and add them to my library, but I need to buy my bookshelf first, muchos importante.

Anyway, I am having a pretty low key day, as boring as usual and uneventful. I am beginning to think I am probably one of the most boring people ever. I am excited about Amazing Race starting soon...I can't wait to see how Jordan and Jeff from Big Brother fare, I mean they are not a very bright couple and you definitely need brains to make it on the Amazing Race...

Talking about manic monday

I dreamt that I won the lottery and didn't have to work anymore...that's how much I would rather not be at work. Don't get me wrong, I like my job and the people I work with, but I would rather be at home watching TV. That being said, if wishes were horses, beggars would ride; they're not, so woe is me. I had a pretty boring weekend. I watched "My sister's keeper" and cried throughout the whole movie. I watched "Harry Potter" again, LOVE IT!



I am trying to stay on track, but it is soooo difficult. I mean, last week I went a a bender and I ate like food was going outta style. Woe is me. I think I like food a little too much. I need to work on my addiction to food because most times, I am not actualy hungry; I just eat cause I can. Like right now, as I am typing this, I am starving, but this is hunger cause I had my snack around four and I am closing in on the three hour mark. Once I get home, I will feed myself.



Other than that, life is swell and boring as usual...I wonder what this week has in store for me? One of my new year's resolutions is to not be as aggressive in my driving. Everyday is a battle, but I think I can make it work. I just don't know why I am always pissed when I'm behind the wheel? I could be having the time of my life joking and going on, but the second someone cuts me off or tries to cut me off, or slows down in front of me, I go off. I just need to stop being so pissed, it's not like my home is running away and I need to be more patient; it is NEVER that serious...

THE DAY AFTER...

So I was kinda bad last nite, I demolished enough plantain chips for six people and I did not blink. When I was done, I ate a bunch of cookies cause I still had some space in my tummy to fill up. That is the curse of my tummy. When I take it upon myself to eat, I don't stop until I can't breathe. I just stuff myself, but I will change because I have to. It is not a healthy way to eat.

That being said, I have this new addiction, going through people's facebook pages just for the fun of it. I spend time browsing through random people's pages, looking at their pictures and commenting on how ugly, or not ugly they are. I wonder if other people do the same thing on my page?

American Idol last nite was not funny, I was not really expecting it to be. I mean, it was a letdown compared to last week, but I guess it's time to get serious and show us the people we will be seeing in the long run as opposed to the one hit wonders.

Bad Girls Club was drama filled as usual. Loud mouth Amber got her ass whooped and I was happy to see that Flo did the whooping. You do not push someone in the pool, break their ankle and think you can get away with it. Then she has the audacity to claim that she does not feel safe and wants her gone...BULLSHIT!!! I swear dumb asses get on my damn nerves. I wish a heifer would...I would wipe the floor with your ass and hand it to you. If you attack someone, better be able to deal with the backlash wench!

Anyway, that's my spiel for the day. Now back to your regular schedule.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Yes I am a few weeks late, but it is still a new year so deal with it. Let's just say that I have had an eventful year so far. I had the worst vacation ever. PSA "DO NOT VISIT PHOENIX...I AM SERIOUS, THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING THERE." Now that I have done my good deed of the year, I can rest easy.
I have also decided to make a change for the better in my health choices and my life in general. I have started reaching out to friends I had lost touch with. I am starting to eat right again and will begin working out on 2/1/2010.
Last year I made a list of my new year's resolutions and I did not keep even one. At the end of last year I trashed that list mostly outta shame. This time around, I intend to go about it on a smaller scale, day by day and week by week. I don't want to be overwhelmed. Slow and steady will win this race. I just hope I can stay motivated.
In general, my life is still the same, boring and uneventful. I intend to change that though. I think I want to go to Hawaii on vacation, but we will see how that pans out. I don't watch as much TV as I used to and I don't read as much. At times I am not motivated to do ANYTHING and that just bugs me. I get bored more often now and I just need to shake things up. I wonder how I can do that?
I am looking to buy a new phone, so that I can stay connected to the Internet and folks in general. If I have access to the Internet and other sturrvs, I have no reason to not keep in touch. I just have to learn to have my phone with me and pick it up when it rings.
I got some really amazing news on Sunday, a really good friend of mine is getting married and I am ecstatic. She is an all around amazing human being and I adore her and I am just thrilled that everything in her life is falling into place.
I guess it feels good to know that good things do happen to those who deserve it. As for me, as long as the people I care about are happy, then all is well in my life.

For those of you who are in some cave, Pray for the residents of Haiti. They need our prayers now more than ever...