Did I choose the right major?

I've always wondered if I made the right choice when I chose my college major. I always thought I wanted to be a journalist, but I have kind of realized that I really don't know what I want to be. I don't know what it is I enjoy doing. I have a job and I do it well and get paid and all that good stuff, but I don't enjoy what I am doing. For me, my work is a necessity rather than a choice. I go through the motions each day and wonder if this will be my life for the next 45 years or so and the thought of doing this for that long scares the shit out of me. Unfortunately, I don't know what I could be doing that would feel rewarding. I sometimes wonder if I should have stuck to music. I love music and I enjoy singing and dancing, but I don't want to be a cliche or a statistic. I don't want to be yet another music industry reject. My only instrument is my voice and there are too many people out there already fighting to make it in that industry and I don't know that I want to be another plus one. I have thought of doing it for fun, but since I don't have fun, that is out of the question. I guess at this stage in my life I am a little too old to be making major changes that may not work out as I hope. With that said, can I be a zombie for the rest of my life? Can I spend the next four decades at a job I hate? I don't know what the answer is, but I hope I find one soon.

Coming Undone

Sometimes I feel like I am coming undone. I see myself unraveling and going off over little things and insignificant issues. I find myself getting stressed over situations that deserve nothing but a chuckle. I catch myself flying off the handle because of a slight misstep by someone else regardles of their age. Every once in a while I fantasize about running away and never coming back. Every once in a while I day dream about life as an orphan, with no one in the world bothering me or needing me to keep in touch with them. I envision myself in another country on another continent with no one but myself to answer to. I dream about long days of silence, with no cares in the world but what to wear and eat. Sometimes I wish I had the courage to actually say what I feel and be who I want to be. I hate that I have to take other people's feelings into consideration, I would rather not, but being in the situation I am in I have no choice but to do as is expected of me. I wish I could just say fuck it and be done with it all, I really need to figure out the best way to go about doing what is right for me, or only lord knows what will enventually become of me