How do I?

Another Christmas is approaching and yet again I will be alone in more ways than one. My family is in naija so I am spending the holiday alone. Per usual, I am taking about a week off from Christmas day until after New year and as usual all those days will be spent in my house in front of the T.V. I had made a promise to myself that by the time I was thirty I would be better about making plans for the holidays, be it travelling or hanging out with friends; unfortunately, I have not been able to keep that promise. I turned thirty-one two weeks ago and I am still on track to be alone this Christmas. Hence my question: How do I? become the person that makes plans and goes out and makes friends and does fun and adventurous things? I watch other people actually living and doing things that look like they are fun and I really envy them, but not enough to go out and try new things myself. I consider all the effort I think goes in to going out and doing things and I lose interest. Why bother? I could stay home and catch up on my shows, and there goes all my zeal. I know that I would enjoy going out and seeing places and what not, I just always lose out to my innate laziness.

I have set some goals for myself for 2014, I will learn to ride a bicycle and go on bike rides. I will learn to swim and spend most of the summer in a pool. Most importantly, I will partake of my favorite past time, riding roller coasters. I will get my six flags season pass and go to the park as often as I can. I know those three things are doable, I just need to stay hyped about the experience and not allow the thought of putting in effort deter me. I am getting healthier so that I can have a better life and it would be sad for me to spend all the days of my better life indoors.

On the weight loss front, I am down 86lbs and counting. Yes, I am amazed at how well I am doing and I hope I can keep the motivation going. My goal for December 31st is to be down 90lbs and I am 4lbs away from my goal, I am keeping my fingers crossed and knocking on wood until my knuckles bleed...

I don't like living with people.

I recently got a roommate to live with me in my home. It is a three level townhouse that used to house five people, but after my sister moved we decided that I should get a roommate instead of selling the house or renting out to strangers. It made sense especially since it meant I would remain in the house I had lived in for almost seven years. I was a bit anxious because I have never really lived with anyone beside my sister. It took a while to find someone, but a month and a half ago my roommate *Tanya moved in. Things started out great, we got along and had a few things in common and in general she seemed easygoing. I am very much the homebody, a loner and I am very quiet. Upon living with Tanya I have learned a few more things about myself; I do not like living with people, it irritates me because I don't seem to like people around me or in my personal space. I seem to be semi OCD about cleanliness. I believe that when you share a space with someone you should respect yourself and them enough to keep the shared space clean. Don't leave your hair everywhere, don't brush your teeth and not clean up the toothpaste scum, don't leave your dishes in the sink for days on end, don't leave the counter tops dirty and stained with coffee. I always clean up after myself, please do the same. Comb your hair in your room, don't leave a colony of ringlets in the bathroom; that ish is nasty. After two weeks of cleaning up after her, I told her all the things I'd noticed and let her know she needed to do better. Well, I guess she felt slighted and she stopped speaking to me. I didn't really care because it actually suits me better this way, but I draw the line at texting me when your room is across the hall from mine. If you feel slighted, use your words if not you are SOL because I don't play that. Anyway, it has been a month since she became mute and I am counting down the days until she leaves. She is better with the cleaning up after herself but if you are a dirty person then your first instinct is to be nasty. Cleaning up after yourself is not second nature, so I still have to do some touching up when she is done. I applaud myself though for not being bitchy about the whole situation. Instead I just remember that I cleaned up after my niece and nephew for almost five years and I act like they still live with me.

On a different note, I am still holding strong on the weight loss front 67lbs down and counting. I am really proud of the fact that I am staying on track and I do not let my off days sway me or make me lose focus.

Holding strong as I slowly shrink

When I weighed myself on April 11, 2013 I got the shock of my life. I was the heaviest I have ever been. In order to get the scope and significance of this realization, keep in mind that I was 35lbs larger than my highest weight ever and 90lbs heavier than I had been the last time I weighed myself in 2011. I had managed to gain 45lbs each year since the last time I was on a diet. I am a certified yo-yo dieter. I am always on a diet. Be it the nutrisystem diet, I have been on it twice and succeeded both times only to gain the weight back once I started making my own meals. I have done it on my own at least 5 other times and had success, but gained the weight back.

I seem to have a hard time realizing that I need to make a "forever" lifestyle change, as opposed to a 4 month lifestyle change. For some reason I can't seem to grasp the concept of moderation as opposed to starvation. I restrict myself, and my diet and I end up feeling like prisoners. And once I let myself out of my self imposed cell I gobble up everything in sight.

When I decided to start this journey again, for the last time, I realized I had to make a lot of changes to my approach, my choices, my way of thinking, my timeline and my end goal. For one, I needed a realistic time line: 2 years as opposed to 6 months. I sought help with accountability in the form of MyFitnesspal and Sparkpeople. I also started working out again, but this time I have to change it up or I will burn out like I always do. I have been at it for 76 days, I am holding strong despite some missteps and I am making sure that if I ever feel overwhelmed or burned out I will step back and reevaluate my approach.

I have some goals that are on the horizon, one of which is being 50lbs lighter by 8/31/2013. I am already 31lbs lighter so I am 19lbs away from my goal. I hope to attain it, but if I don't quite make it I will endeavor to not overlook my progress so far. I also signed up for the Color in Motion 5k scheduled for 9/14/2013, at least that is something to look forward to. I also have a date with the Susan G Komen race for the cure next year, no excuses this time I have to be there.

Coming into my own

My sister has moved. I am on my own now and searching for a roommate. I have been advertising the room for rent for two days and I have had a couple of bites, but nothing solid yet. I did a pretty good job of trying to get the house ready for renting, but I still have a few things to touch up. Some blinds need changing, I need to clean the fridge and freezer and I need to do some more dusting.

I am very excited about being on my own, but I miss my family so much. I didn't think I would miss them this bad, but I think the knowledge that they will not be coming back for a long time makes me miss them more. I get to face time them but it is not the same. I can't get the amazing hugs my niece gives or the spontaneous "I love you auntie" from my nephew. They have been my life for so long and now I almost have no purpose without them. Their absence will take getting used to, but this will make me more inclined to go visit them soon and as often as possible; I don't want my niece forgetting her auntie.

I recently weighed myself and the number on the scale almost gave me a heat attack, so I started eating right. I will slowly incorporate working out as my body gets used to less food. This time around I am using the app MyFitnesspal and it has been working really well, it is very handy and has a broad range of foods on it. I was talking to my sister about my inability to keep the weight off and she basically said my "diets" are too restrictive and difficult to maintain. This time around I am allowing myself to have everything in moderation and if need be I make provisions for extra calories. Hopefully this time around, it will stick.

Countdown

I had mentioned that my sister is moving and I will be on my own soon. Well, soon is almost here. She is supposed to leave at the end of April and I am very excited and nervous at the same time. The nerves come from the fact that I will need a roommate to be able to stay in our house. Needless to say, I am worried about finding someone that I can deal with. I am not going to say that I am difficult, but I am definitely particular and it takes a while to get used to me. That said, I am very excited about my future. I have a job that I hate that pays the bills and I am boring. I intend to change the boring part and work on getting a job that I will love and hopefully stay in for the rest of my working years.

One thing that I really need to work on now that my sister is leaving is reconnecting with all my friends. I let all those relationships fall to the wayside because I was too busy being an aunt and a lazy person, but I intend on changing that.

I also want to go out more, go see the sights in and around D.C. and just have a life besides working and watching T.V. In my case, it is easier said than done, but I really want to make it a reality. I also want to visit NC and FL this year. I have the time and I will have the money so why not go to these places? I also want to experience things. What is a blog really without juicy stories to share? I have high hopes for myself this year so we shall see.